Lesson Learned: Spaghetti

Creating a great relationship is a lot like making spaghetti. Here's what you need:

A Foundation: 1 lb of meat (ground beef, turkey, or veggie meat)

Some Flavor: 1 cup chopped onions, red and green peppers

A Lil' Spice: a dash of salt and pepper

Some Fluidity: 3 cups of Ragu Robusto Tomato Sauce

The Gel: 2 cans of Tomato Paste

An Intertwining: 1 Box of Angel Hair Noodles

Simmer the foundation until its golden brown. This could take months of developing a solid friendship. Do not rush this process. An undercooked foundation will give you salmonella poisoning and burning it will leave a bad taste in your mouth. Next, add in some flavor. Take trips, go out together, keep each other laughing. A bland foundation will not leave a lasting effect on your taste buds. Even though you have flavor, don't forget to throw in a lil spice. Spice is best used in the bedroom. Leave a little to the imagination while making him come back for more. Next mix in the fluidity. Relationships are not easy and it will take a relaxed, fluid, and compromising personality to make it work. The gel is of utmost importance. This gel is what holds the dish together thru the bad times. It consists of a little love, faith, commitment and a lot of communication. While the sauce is simmering, bring the noodles to a boil. Watch how they twist and turn about each other. This intertwining is achieved by shared hobbies, joint friends, and common goals. When the noodles are al dente, smother them in the sauce you've developed. Serve aside garlic bread to keep you content and a salad to keep you growing together. White wine for her and a Heiny for him to wash it all down.

Dinner is served.

Upcoming Events: Play Date Sept. 8th

Its that time again Atlanta. Play Date is this Saturday. See pub for details.

Love Don't Live Here Anymore: Bynum Update Part 3; Newnan Man Kills Live In Girlfriend

Today is a bit of a depressing day in the 'Love Don't Live Here Anymore' Arena.

• Juanita Bynum spoke out for the first time publically since the alleged attack by her husband Bishop Weeks. She said she forgives Weeks and plans to become an advocate in the crusade against domestic violence. Interestingly, Bynum said she held no hard feelings towards her husband. She would not say anything negative about him. "Nobody could give me enough money," she said. "As long as he's my husband I won't break that covenant."
  
  Hmmm..maybe after the divorce we'll get a tell all book.
  
  Read more: http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2007/09/04/bynum_0905.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

• A Newnan man was arrested Sunday morning and charged with the beating death of his live in girlfriend. They had travelled to Florida for the holiday weekend and she was found in the bedroom of a Florida beach house and had suffered trauma to her face, chest, and ribs. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/fayette/stories/2007/09/04/newnan_0905_web.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

Moral of the story is that domestic violence is a problem in our very own community. It's not something to take lightly, because it, takes lives. If you or someone you know is a victim please contact Georgia's Domestic Violence Resource Center at http://www.womenslaw.org/GA/GA_links.htm. Seek help now...before it's too late.

ATL Celebrilove: USA and Alpharetta Editions

Since all celebs tend to hit up the A quite frequently, I thought I'd let you in on some Celebrilove (or lack thereof)--nationwide style.

• Congratulations are in order for Halle Berry and boyfriend/model Gabriel. Halle, at the age of 41, is indeed 3 months preggers.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUKN0444300420070905

• The buzz around Miami this morning surrounds the NBAs power couple Shaq and Shaunie O'Neil. Yesterday, he hit her with divorce papers! While he says she should retain custody of their 4 children (6 if you include the one's they had before from prior relationships), he is demanding an accurate accounting of the property she now owns. Looks like Shaunie's been keepin' a stash for a rainy day. I don't blame her. Some blogs are reporting that Shaq is accusing her of cheating. Weeeellll, Shaq hasn't been all that faithful his damn self.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20595448/

• Right around our neck of the woods in Alpharetta, it looks like Usher is making room for his new bride and expected baby. He has put his Country Club home up for sale for 1.9 million dollars. For that price you better get a studio, hair salon, workout room and pool. Oh wait, you do. The house was formally L.A. Reid's and the real estate agent expects the buyer to be another industry type. Don't think that you can just make an appointment to check out Usher's crib---only pre qualified buyers will be shown the property.

http://www.accessatlanta.com/music/content/music/stories/2007/09/04/usher_0905.html

Notable and Quotable

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control!"

-Unknown

Spotlight on YBMs: Young, Black and Married...Introducing, The Mitchells.

In this week's edition of Spotlight we turn our attention to a special segment of our population, the YBMs: Young, Black and Married. It's a beautiful thing, and the Mitchells are a beautiful couple. The Mrs. is a Spelmanite, law school graduate and published author. The Mr. is a web designer and IT consultant. They married on August 25, 2007 in their new home of Chicago. I caught up with them immediately after their return from honeymooning in Maui. Below are 9 questions with the newlyweds:

When and how did you meet?

We met initially in high school, then again on facebook 9 years later.

Kimberly, at what point did you know that Fredric was the one?

I knew he was the one after I went to see him again for the first time in Baltimore. After our first date, meal, interactions, etc, I just knew that I loved him. I didn't want to leave him.

What's the best advice you would give to single ladies out there, Kimberly?

Don't be bitter, be patient. Live your life and love will come.

Now Fredric, what's the best advice you would give to single men that may be reading?

Do everything you want to do as a single man, and set dealbreakers to find your potential partner (make a checklist). Prioritize, get them done, and have no regrets. Be strong enough to be honest with your potential partner, but sensitive enough to understand that what you 'want' isn't always what you 'need'. God is mysterious.

Around here we say love's a peach, what is it to you?

Love is a roller coaster ride that you never want to get off of.

Aside from a wonderful relationship, what else do you two have going on in your lives?

Well, we are editors of " Young Black Professional Guide <http://ybpguide.com> ", a blog that we started last October to give advice, opinions, and support to Young Black Professionals. The posts and discussions that we've had cover a broad range: politics, race issues, tech news, education, finances, and more. About 4 contributors write on the guide each week. Kimberly is working at the Mitchell Law Firm with her father-in-law and is also in the process of forming a 501c3 foundation. Fredric works in the IT Department at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago and has recently established his own web design company, Bright Plum <http://brightplum.com> , which Kimberly helps manage. On the personal side, we are just trying to wind down from all of our wedding chaos, focus on our goals, and (literally) get our house together. We have many more DIY home projects to go!

Kimberly, describe Fredric in one word.

Mature.

Fredric, what does Kimberly mean to your life?

Kimberly is my best friend. She makes me smile, I love looking at her, and she challenges my mind. Her presence is easy and her eyes are sincere.

Whats next for the two of you?

What's next? More traveling, more fun, and (eventually) more family!

There you have it ladies and gentleman! Let the Mitchells be a motivation--both personally and professionally to us all...

If you'd like to contact the couple please email ncdecapres9900@hotmail.com

Lesson Learned: Fantasy Football Will Never Be Real

Saturday my Fantasy Football league held its draft. It got me thinking. Dictionary.com defines "Fantasy" as one's imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained; wondrous or strange fancies; unreal mental images; hallucinations; and a conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need. Wouldn’t it be amazing if in love and relationships we could create The Fantasy Man?!? For those who may not be familiar with Fantasy Football, in short, you select the best NFL players and create your own team. For instance, you may have Peyton Manning as your quarter back. LaDanian Tomlinson as your running back. And in my case, Chad Johnson as your Wide Receiver. Although these guys are not on the same team in real life (and in fact never could be since no team could afford to pay them all top dollar), they are all a part of your Fantasy team.

Imagine scooping up the best guys that the world has to offer to create Mr. Fantasy Man. My starting line up would look something like this:

Reggie Bush at body. Terrance Howard at eyes. LL Cool J at lips. Bill Gates at bank. He'd have the voice of Luther Vandross, the determination of MLK, and the soul of Ghandi. His speech would sound like Barack, his thug would be like Tupacs, and his smile would be like Brad Pitt's. He'd be tall like LaBron, have a flow like Common, and a swag like Jay Z. He'd have the fashion sense of Versace, taste in shoes like Manolo, and could pick out a ring like Kobe. His cars would rival Diddy's, his home would look like Steven Spielberg's and he'd be a mogul like Russel.

I could go on and on. But what's the point? Mr. Man (Fantasy Man that is) will never exist. He'd be entirely too perfect for words. Besides, with a man like that there'd be no need for daydreams, celebrity crushes, relationship venting, and blogs like this. We'd be too busy jet setting and being in love. But, who needs Mr. Man when we have men who leave the toilet seat up, do not understand what it means to communicate, fart in public places, and need to go to the gym just as much as we do?

Life would be so mundane without them . . . well, since like fantasy football, my fantasy man will never be real....that's what I'll tell myself to cope :/

Lesson Learned: I love you, I do.

Yo te quiero. Ti amo. Wo ie ni. Je t'aime. Kimi o ai shiteru. How to say it is easy. When to say it is the hard part.

Being the first to say "I love you" seems to put your signif other in the hot seat. Is he only saying it back because he feels pressured and sorry for you? Saying it in response to his saying it for the first time will make him wonder if you only said it because he did. Saying it for the first time in the middle of a fight, seems to imply begging. Saying it for the first time after sex, seems to imply clinginess.

Is saying it on your 3 month anniversary proper protocol? Do you say it for the first time in a Hallmark e-card? How about over the phone.

In all this murkiness, a few things are clear:

1) Never say it on a first date.
2) The first time you feel like you want to say it, don't. Make sure you've thought long and hard.
3) Those words should be words of pure expression, they should have no ulterior motive attached. If you are saying it to get him to stay, to cuddle, or to buy you a Berkin bag, don't.

My advice is to wait to say those words until they bubble up in your heart and spew out of your mouth uncontrollably. If your beau says it back, great. If he doesn't. Don't take it personal. In fact, appreciate his honesty. Often times he really does love you, he just may be scared to say it. (Watch his actions, not just his words) If you are "put on the spot" with an an unexpected I love you, then you owe it to your mate to be honest. If you feel it too, then say it. If your not so sure then explain it.

Love is expressed in many ways. Its in the way he gets your oil changed and washes your car, the way she cooks your dinner, the way he holds you. Remember, just because he isn't saying I love you the way you want him to, doesn't mean he's not saying it with all he has.

Featured Articles: TD Jakes Speaks Out

TD Jakes speaks out on the Bishop Weeks/Juanita Bynum assault.
He reminds us that "every day, four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence. . . that's approximately 1,400 women a year, according to the FBI."

Read more at http://www.ajc.com/news/content/opinion/stories/2007/09/03/jakesed_0904.html

Notable and Quotable

"True love is like a ghost; everyone talks of it, few have seen it."
--La Rochefoucauld