Off My Chest/Lesson Learned: On Your Mark, Get Set, Go...

What they say is true. Maybe sad, but nonetheless true. I'm sorry, but nice guys really do finish last. I attribute your place in line to the "it" "confidence" and "chase" factors.

The "It" Factor
To put it simply, the "nice guys" that I've met and/or tried to date just lack "it". What is "it"? Well, "it" really can't be described. It's a look, a feeling, a state of mind. I'm an outgoing, energetic and well-rounded person. Any man I date must be the same. Of course there is some level of stereotype included in what I'm about to say but nice guys just normally aren't that well-rounded or outgoing. Our interests just aren't aligned. For instance, it's great that you are a lawyer or doctor or computer specialist. Congrats on your achievements. But is there more to you than that? Must every dinner conversation be about politics, the latest medical breakthrough, or your last vacation to tour the Mayan ruins. I'm sorry, but sometimes (actually often times) I'd rather talk about who's sleeping with who in the celebrity world, who's going to win Sunday night's Making the Band, and whether Spencer really does have Heidi brainwashed on The Hills. My dream vacation may be to the Mayan Riveria as well, but while your off looking at rocks I'll be in the poolside cabana sippin' mojitos and listening to rap music on my ipod. Call me intellectually-challenged if you'd like, but I do that from 9-5. I reserve my nights and weekends for kicking off my shoes, taking off my "white collar" and having a good ol' time. I can network my way through a corporate crowd but can also kick it off Bankhead if I had to. I've read Les Miserables, but enjoy trashy romance novels. Why do you think they call me Ms. Three Sixty. I'm just so well-rounded, and you nice guys are usually one eighty.

The "Confidence" Factor
When a "nice guy" meets a girl like me he knows he's got a handful. Experience has taught me that he just can't hang. He can't handle my dinner parties with Grand Hustle, my out of the country trips with my girls, my recruiting of million dollar athletes. He's not secure enough to think that I'm actually feelin' him. This results in him being clingy…calling way too much and accusing me of unfaithful behavior. No one wants to be checked on and questioned all the time but because of the nice guy's insecurity that’s exactly what happens and you'll make me think I should've cheated.

The "Chase" Factor
Face it, we all love a chase. Yes, I do complain about why my man hasn't called me this hour or why he must go to the club tonight, but at least that stuff keeps me on my toes (as long as it doesn’t get out of hand of course). Predictability is good with my puppy, but not with my man. I enjoy a challenge and need a man who is confident enough to make me wonder and has enough "it" to make me put up a little chase (Lord knows I'm gonna do the same for him). Nice guys tend to make it too easy. They answer every time I call and will drop anything they are doing whenever I need it. Thanks, but too much, is too much. Have a backbone. Be the man in the relationship. Don't let my Citizen jeans be the only pants that are getting' worn in the relationship. For instance, I have this one "nice guy" that I could call at 4am to cry about how another man did me and he'd drive right on down to midtown from NORCROSS at the drop of a dime. Believe me, he's done it. He quickly got placed in the so forbidden "friend zone".


With that being said, I'd like to point out that while nice guys finish last, they still do finish! All hope is not lost for these brothers. You see there comes a time in every woman's life when she's been dogged out one too many times. When her biological clock starts ticking and she begins to re-prioritize. She's grown too tired for the chase and actually welcomes his "always there" behavior. That's when the "bad guys" get sent to voicemail and she clings to her "nice guy" for the rest of eternity. For some of us that happens at 25, for others its 40…but whenever it happens just hope you haven't pissed your nice guy off so badly that he's a good guy gone bad.

Some of us are lucky enough to have neither a nice guy nor a bad guy but instead what I like to call "THE SWIRL". You see he's the perfect blend of bad guy chase and confidence but good guy dependability and accessibility. He comes in first in my book.

No matter which type of guy you are, it is a race to the death. But remember, the race is not always given to the swift, but to the one who endureth to the end. So endureth nice guys, endureth!