Lesson Learned: The Marriage Contract

This morning, the Frank and Wanda morning show on V103 discussed a somewhat sensitive relationship issue: To prenup or not to prenup, that is the question. Its interesting to me that years ago women were generally against prenups. That's likely because we knew our husbands would be the primary providers and would likely make more than us throughout the course of the relationship. Of course we wanted to capitalize and be able to take half if d day ever came.
Well, the tide has turned, and as many of you are well aware, women often out earn men in today's relationships. With our degrees and businesses, not only do we currently out earn some of our lovers but we have the potential to continue doing so. Accordingly, our views on prenups have changed--at least mine have over the years.

A prenup is a contract. It doesnt say any certain thing on its own. You give it meaning by what you and your fiance decide to put in it. You can agree on any and everything you'd like. Frank Ski said this morning, and I agree, that a prenup is like insurance. It protects you for a rainy day. If your marriage ends by death, as it should, then the prenup never comes into play and your spouse will receive your estate via your will or intestate laws. If however, it ends because your partner "changed," cheated, or the love has otherwise died, then why would you want to share your financial estate with him/her??? Some say, why plan for divorce, marriages are supposed to last. Yea, well supposed to and do are two different things. You have to be realistic about it and the truth is that divorce rates are through the roof.

Once you decide to get a prenup, what should it say? Here are some of my ideas:

• Everything we owned separately before the marriage is separate property and cant be touched by the other party
• Any gifts given directly to one party is that person's separate property
• Any monies received from separate careers remains that person's separate property
• Any monies received from jointly owned companies and business ventures will be split according to the terms of that business's operating agreement
• If you cheat (to be defined later) you get nothing but your half of the jointly owned businesses described above (no chance of rehabilitative or reimbursement alimony)
• If one party is a stay at home spouse and/or supports the household while the other works then that party will receive some reimbursement and rehabilitative alimony to get him/her on their feet again. This amount will be reduced by monies given during the marriage.
• None of this affects child support. The party getting custody of the child will receive funds necessary to give THE CHILDREN the same life they would have received had the parties remained married.

As you can see, there is a lot to think about. After you get that 2 carat Tiffany's engagement ring, celebrate, but then sit down to communicate about your financial futures together and in the event of default. Its just like a business deal. Marriage is a contract. When you breach your agreement, the contract is terminated. Accordingly you lose all future profits from that marriage and should not be able to take from the deal as if you hadn't breached. I know that seems to take the love out of the picture and makes the marriage formulaic, but hey, when it comes to my finances give me a formula--whats love got to do with it.

Besides, if both parties hold up their ends of the bargain the prenup will be a piece of paper that never sees the light of day and both parties will share in the fruits of the marriage's labor. Whats mine will be his, whats his will be mine, and whats ours will be forever ours.

All I know is I'll be getting one, and so should you.