Off My Chest

From a friend...

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I can already smell the turkey, yams, mac and cheese, pies, and sweet tea....with all that food, you'd think I'd be so full. But no, I'm empty. I'm starving and slowly wasting away. I've been relying on your words and your follow through to sustain me. I've been eating off your love and devotion. But all that is so empty. I'm starving because I've eaten all the lies you've fed me. You've lied about it all--the money, the cars, the credentials, the commitment. But you know what, dont blame yourself---I should have broken up with you a long time ago.

Off My Chest: Bridezillas Beware

With the popularity of wedding websites and shows, the phenomenon of becoming a Bridezilla is taking over. I actually think many women anxiously await the opportunity to throw hissy fits, scream, fuss, and miss important dates in others lives while all the while blaming it on being a Bridezilla. Call me a hater if you want, but honey, that is not a good look. First and foremost, don't get it twisted. It was cute the first time you said, "I'm getting married and youre not." But the next 4 times made you sound like a 5 year old. Not everyone rushes into marriage after 3 months...sorry if me and mine are laying a rock solid foundation first. Secondly, don't get a big head. The rock, or shall I say pebble, on your finger, does not make you any hotter, cuter, or smarter than before you had it. Diamond possession does not make you an expert on all things wedding nor all things class. Poll a dozen people and I promise you we will all agree that going to the club after tying the knot is not really all that classy. Finally, you should be prohibited from exhibiting bridezilla behaviors if your wedding costs less than $20,000. Bridezilla tactics should be reserved for the platinum wedding type. By platinum, I really mean over $100,000 (hey, i'll give semi-platinum types a break too $20-$100K) When you've prepared a 5 course meal for your guests, Tiffany gifts for your bridal party, and are wearing a jewel encrusted Vera Wang gown, I"ll be a little more understanding of your tirades. However, when I've spent more on your wedding than you have, I wont be so understanding. People work 50 hour weeks and have mortgages, car notes, and lives that do not revolve around your wedding. I'll be there when I get there, I'll help you when I can, and I'll leave when I damn well feel like it. Your bitching, moaning, screaming, and complaining is for the birds. Keep it up and I know one bridezilla who's gonna be broke and begging for friends after this day is over.

Off My Chest/Lesson Learned: The Bend Factor

Everyone hates to do things that they don't want to do. That's a well known and accepted fact. What distinguishes the selfish from the rest of society is that those who can take the focus off of themselves at times, will do things that they really don't want to do for those that they love. Why? Because the person we love, loves doing whatever it is that he/she has asked us to do. So because we love them, we love it...at least every so often.

I'm not talking about yielding to your significant other's desires every waking moment of your life, but instead, on occasion, putting their needs before your own...besides, seeing a loving smile on their face from doing that which makes them happy, should make you happy. Call it bending, give or take, compromise...call it what you want, but it takes a lot of it to make a relationship a lasting one.

Don't be quick to overstate the bending that you do. You may think your as limber as they come, always bending over backwards to please your mate, but when it comes down to naming those things you do for his/her sole benefit ...your list comes up short. As a significant other you are a pillar of strength in your partner's life. He/she needs you. What they say is true. If you're not taking care of the needs of your mate, dont you worry because someone else or something else will be. Whether its another man or woman, his or her job, friends, or family, travelling, the strip club or alcohol, someone or something can quickly fill the void that you leave in your significant other's heart. Like B says, dont' ever get to thinking you're irreplaceable.

This is not to say that you should bend for your mate out of fear that he or she will cheat on you..because if thats all it takes then maybe you dont need that mate anyway. But this is to say that the energy you give out will be the energy you receive. This is so much bigger than tic for tac. If you give out selfishness, stubbornness, and coldness to the universe, thats exactly what you'll receive. You may not receive it from your mate--he or she is hopefully smart enough not to miss their own blessings by playing the 2 wrongs make a right game with you. But just because your mate is still cooking for you, cleaning for you and smiling with you...doesnt mean the universe is not ricocheting that treatment.

If you ever look out and you start to wonder why your friends have backstabbed you, why your parents have distanced themselves, why the job hasnt come through, why your account doesnt look like it should, why your body is in pain, why your mind is so stressed..take a step back and look at how you're treating the ones who love you most.

Bending for our mates is how we exercise our love. Get your relationship in shape..before its too late.

Off My Chest

If you listened to the Frank and Wanda morning show today maybe you were as disgusted as I was. The "scrupples" discussion of the day was spawned by RayJs book to be released claiming that he's slept with over 1100 women. Thats not a type-o...ELEVEN HUNDRED. When did numbers like this become impressive? Is he some sex symbol or "sex machine" now? No, he's more likely to be an STD-infested whore. I'm so not impressed by this behavior. And lets not forget the double standard. While many men will tout him for being such a sexual guru, when Supahead or any other female comes out to say the same thing, she's immediately a ho. Lets try to get these numbers down ladies and gentleman. When you can no longer count your sexual partners on both your hands and toes (and thats giving you some leeway) it may be time to take a sabbatical. By the time your spouse gets you you'll be as riden as a 1967 Chevy.

Off My Chest: Cell Phone Etiquette

Who knew so much could be stored in just a few cubic inches of space? Racy text messages, X-rated pictures, forbidden numbers. Whether it’s a Razor, PDA, or I-phone if we are in a relationship you can pretty much assume that I'll be going through your mobile device. You can call me nosy, you can say I'm untrusting, but I don't care. If we are in a committed relationship then there should be absolutely nothing on your cell phone that I can't see. What's with all the codes and passwords? Do you have something to hide? I'll give you the common courtesy not to hack into your voicemail and check those messages (unless you give me reason to), and I won't have a set time everyday during which I go thru your phone. But I will sporadically yank it from you or peruse while you are out of the room. I'm giving full disclosure now so that it won't come as a surprise later. Su telefono es mi telefono. Oh, and there are no double standards here…you can feel free to do the same to my blackberry, sidekick, and Katana. Here are some ground rules:

1) Your ringer will be on loud during the nighttime hours. No vibrate and no silent.
2) You will answer calls in front of me.
3) You will not take your phone with you in the bathroom and/or shower.
4) You will hand over the device whenever I so request.
5) You will remove all passcodes from the phone.

Great, now that we have that out of the way, we can move on with the relationship. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest!

Off My Chest: You Modelin' Ma???

Because I'd never want people to think this is a male bashing site, its time for me to put the ladies in check. Yesterday we talked about the wanna be producers and not quite there real estate agents that are everywhere in Atlanta. Well, with Labor Day weekend upon us, if there is one person you are sure to meet this weekend, its "a model." Lets get a few things straight. Posing nude for sidekick pictures does not make you a model. Passing out fliers at a party does not make you a model. Putting up X rated pics on myspace does not make you a model. Getting modeling gigs off of craigslist, does not make you a model. Pop, lockin, and droppin in the latest Huey video surely does not make you a model. Until you win ANTM, you are NOT a model. Until you have a lucrative contract with a REPUTABLE modeling agency, you are NOT a model. Until you are featured in a spread in Seventeen, Teen, Elle, or Vogue, you are NOT a model. You may enjoy the art of photography, you may get $2 an hour to wear a baby tee around a party, and you may even be a video ho, but you are not a model. Your false claims of top model status mess it up for those ladies out there in town who really are making a living off of modeling. You make them look really bad. Be proud of who you really are. I surely am. I can say with my head held high...

NO, I'M NOT A MODEL---I JUST LOOK LIKE ONE.


Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Off My Chest: Producing and Real Estate...ATL's Sought After Professions

The two most popular industries in Atlanta are by far entertainment and real estate. With that being said, not everyone actually makes a sustainable living from those industries. If you do not make at least 40% of your income from these fields, then I beg of you, when you run into me on the streets, DO NOT TELL ME THAT YOU ARE "A PRODUCER" or "IN REAL ESTATE." No. You are not!

Having Fruity Loops downloaded on your computer, does not make you a producer. Having a demo cd with some wack a** tracks, does not make you a producer. Until you have beats that are in heavy rotation on both V 103 and 107.9, you are not a producer. Until Polow da Don, JD and Lil Jon know you by name, you are not a producer. Get over yourself. Maybe you are an ASPIRING producer, maybe music is your hobby, but I repeat, you are not a producer.

Similarly, just because you purchased a cheap a** house in the hood and "flipped it." You are not "in real estate." Being a part of an inflated appraisals scheme does not legitimately place you "in real estate." And surely, renting a condo at Twelve does not place you "in real estate." Do you have a broker's license? Have you attended a real estate course? Ever been to a closing? Know what the Fulton county property tax rate is? I think not.

Fellas, those lines do not impress us. In fact, for a chick like me, it turns me off. You say, "yea, I'm a producer" or "you know, I'm in real estate." I hear. "I'm broke, with no job, and I push a lil weed to survive." Please. Stop the madness. You are so not the business.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Off My Chest: Hypothetically, of course.

Taking a stroll down ipod lane I came across one of my favorite Lyfe tracks. Although I've listened to the song dozens of times, I've never actually answered the question he asks. It's a tough one--and I still can't.

Can you?

What if he broke your monogamous agreement? What if he told you he lied lied but didn't mean it? What if he personally vowed to never do it again? Should he cover his tracks and shield you from the pain or would his lies hurt you more?

He says maybe some wars aren't worth fighting--maybe some of your tears really aren't worth crying.

I say, while there does seem to be some temporary comfort in the dark, deep down there's freedom in the truth.

Would you wanna know?

Off My Chest/Lesson Learned: Procrastination

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday, the grave in which opportunity is buried, the largest form of self sabotage, suicide on the installment plan, the thief of time. (See thinkexist.com) Wikipedia defines it as "a type of avoidance behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. It is often cited by psychologists as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision."

Procrastination is, in a word, bad. Why put off for tomorrow what you could do today? In fact, since we aren't even promised tomorrow, life is too short to defer your actions...for in reality, you may never reap the joy that comes from them. If in fact you procrastinate because you don't want to do something then just don't do it--and make that clear to the person who's requested it. To make a decision to do something but then procrastinate in doing it makes absolutely no sense and irks a go getter like myself. Don't wait for your mood or attitude to change. Your attitude doesn't run you, you run it. So make up in your mind that you are going to commit to your decisions, take ownership, and then get down to business. There will never be a more fruitful season than now, there will never be a more convenient time than today, you will never have any more time than you have right now. Do today in your love lives and relationships that which you keep putting off for later times. If not, you'll wake up and wonder how your whole life got off track and behind schedule? It will have gotten that way one day at a time.

Off My Chest: White Lies

To lie to me is to disrespect me. I do not appreciate it and will not tolerate it. Why lie to me over something that means absolutely nothing? Had you told the truth, there would have been no argument--maybe even no conversation about it. But because you are too scared to face and to speak the truth, you lie. And how do I know that you lie? Well although Atlanta has over 4 million residents, its really a small place. I know people in your circle that you wouldn't dream that I know. I know where you're headed often times before you even do. As you form your lips to speak a lie, my mind is already wrapped around the truth. Not only do I know the truth but I know that about the truth you'll lie. White lies piss me off to no end because if you have the audacity to lie to me about little things, then I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when big things get poppin' you'll surely lie to cover your a**

With that being said, you've got about 3 more lies before your whites make me fade to black...
...and that's the truth!

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Off My Chest/Lesson Learned: On Your Mark, Get Set, Go...

What they say is true. Maybe sad, but nonetheless true. I'm sorry, but nice guys really do finish last. I attribute your place in line to the "it" "confidence" and "chase" factors.

The "It" Factor
To put it simply, the "nice guys" that I've met and/or tried to date just lack "it". What is "it"? Well, "it" really can't be described. It's a look, a feeling, a state of mind. I'm an outgoing, energetic and well-rounded person. Any man I date must be the same. Of course there is some level of stereotype included in what I'm about to say but nice guys just normally aren't that well-rounded or outgoing. Our interests just aren't aligned. For instance, it's great that you are a lawyer or doctor or computer specialist. Congrats on your achievements. But is there more to you than that? Must every dinner conversation be about politics, the latest medical breakthrough, or your last vacation to tour the Mayan ruins. I'm sorry, but sometimes (actually often times) I'd rather talk about who's sleeping with who in the celebrity world, who's going to win Sunday night's Making the Band, and whether Spencer really does have Heidi brainwashed on The Hills. My dream vacation may be to the Mayan Riveria as well, but while your off looking at rocks I'll be in the poolside cabana sippin' mojitos and listening to rap music on my ipod. Call me intellectually-challenged if you'd like, but I do that from 9-5. I reserve my nights and weekends for kicking off my shoes, taking off my "white collar" and having a good ol' time. I can network my way through a corporate crowd but can also kick it off Bankhead if I had to. I've read Les Miserables, but enjoy trashy romance novels. Why do you think they call me Ms. Three Sixty. I'm just so well-rounded, and you nice guys are usually one eighty.

The "Confidence" Factor
When a "nice guy" meets a girl like me he knows he's got a handful. Experience has taught me that he just can't hang. He can't handle my dinner parties with Grand Hustle, my out of the country trips with my girls, my recruiting of million dollar athletes. He's not secure enough to think that I'm actually feelin' him. This results in him being clingy…calling way too much and accusing me of unfaithful behavior. No one wants to be checked on and questioned all the time but because of the nice guy's insecurity that’s exactly what happens and you'll make me think I should've cheated.

The "Chase" Factor
Face it, we all love a chase. Yes, I do complain about why my man hasn't called me this hour or why he must go to the club tonight, but at least that stuff keeps me on my toes (as long as it doesn’t get out of hand of course). Predictability is good with my puppy, but not with my man. I enjoy a challenge and need a man who is confident enough to make me wonder and has enough "it" to make me put up a little chase (Lord knows I'm gonna do the same for him). Nice guys tend to make it too easy. They answer every time I call and will drop anything they are doing whenever I need it. Thanks, but too much, is too much. Have a backbone. Be the man in the relationship. Don't let my Citizen jeans be the only pants that are getting' worn in the relationship. For instance, I have this one "nice guy" that I could call at 4am to cry about how another man did me and he'd drive right on down to midtown from NORCROSS at the drop of a dime. Believe me, he's done it. He quickly got placed in the so forbidden "friend zone".


With that being said, I'd like to point out that while nice guys finish last, they still do finish! All hope is not lost for these brothers. You see there comes a time in every woman's life when she's been dogged out one too many times. When her biological clock starts ticking and she begins to re-prioritize. She's grown too tired for the chase and actually welcomes his "always there" behavior. That's when the "bad guys" get sent to voicemail and she clings to her "nice guy" for the rest of eternity. For some of us that happens at 25, for others its 40…but whenever it happens just hope you haven't pissed your nice guy off so badly that he's a good guy gone bad.

Some of us are lucky enough to have neither a nice guy nor a bad guy but instead what I like to call "THE SWIRL". You see he's the perfect blend of bad guy chase and confidence but good guy dependability and accessibility. He comes in first in my book.

No matter which type of guy you are, it is a race to the death. But remember, the race is not always given to the swift, but to the one who endureth to the end. So endureth nice guys, endureth!

Off My Chest: In Da Club...

Tell me. Must you go to the club every weekend of your God-given life? Is there some unwritten contract that requires your presence at Atlanta's nightlife Thursday - Sunday? You say…"I'm so glad I have you. You keep me out the streets." Really? Could've fooled me, because every time Friday night rolls around you're "supposed to be going out." Please, help me understand. What's the attraction to going to the same clubs, seeing the same people, drinking the same drinks and listening to the same music every single weekend? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy an occasional get me bodied fest, but every Friday and Saturday…No Thanks. Not to mention, that you haven't spent any real time with your significant other in at least 3 days. With work and our personal lives, we've had no QT. Instead of you thinking, hey, let me ask my lady if she wants to do something tonight…you give in to that same hatin' a** homeboy of yours that we spoke about last week. (see previous "with friends like these" post) Upgrade yourself. Get out of the club mentality. Atlanta has so much more to offer. How about some jazz at the aquarium. A play at the Fox. A drive to Lake Lanier. Sh*t…dinner and a movie. This really isn't even about me. I wanna make you better. Stop thinking small and feeling like "big things poppin'" means bottles of Hennessey in VIP at Verve. Long lines, jacked up covers and groupies….that is so not the business.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Off My Chest: With Friends Like These....

Who needs enemies? I mean, come on! You see your best friend and home boy is happily in a relationship. Sure, there are temptations, but for the most part he remains faithful. He tries to stay outta the streets and actually enjoys spending quality time with his lady. Nonetheless, you feel the need to constantly try to set him up with your booty-call's best friends and roommates. Are you a hater or just plain disrespectful? I think it’s a combination of the both. You hate the fact that your homie is actually growing the hell up. You hate the fact that he'd rather take his lady out on the town than hit M Bar and Compound with you every Friday night. And what makes it worse is that you're actually disrespectful enough to try to break up this happy home. Like Andre 3000 says at the beginning of the UGK video "Man, Be Happy For Me." Let your man be a good man. You may even want to try to mirror his actions. Sure, you're in your mid-twenties now, so gettin' it in every weekend is cool. But, I'm sorry playa….being 30 in the club every weekend just aint a good look. Grow Up, and most importantly, STOP HATIN'

Sorry, I just had to get that OFF MY CHEST!

Off My Chest

The "Do You Ever" Syndrome. That's what I call it. Neyo sang about it most recently, and it happens when you find yourself happily involved with a new special someone. You've decided that you are over your ex and that it's time to move in. It usually happens about 3 months into your new relationship. Just when you are smitten by the new boo you get a phone call, email, instant message or unannounced visit from none other but THE EX. He or she "just wants to know" if you ever think about him and miss the relationship. All of a sudden he appreciates your beauty, wit and charm and wants to get that ol' thang back--or as it was most recently put to me, "rekindle our flame." BOI STOOOOP! If you couldn’t appreciate me then, what makes me think that in 3 months you've come to your senses. I know what's really going on. You heard I was happy and had moved on and couldn’t stand the thought of me not loving you anymore. Well boo boo, stand it. If you are with the new special someone because they compliment you, you care for them, and you see a future with them--please don't risk it by backtracking. You and the ex broke up for a reason. Remember that reason. Take a picture of it, email it to yourself, put it on your mirror--just don't forget it. Whatever you do, do not give that Ex power over you. That’s likely what he or she wants--to be able to pull your strings and have you right back in the palm of his hands whenever he wants. "Once mine, always mine" does not work in my world. So look that ex dead in his eye, grasp the phone tightly, or type in ALL CAPS: "NO, HUN. I DON’T EVER, THINK OF YOU, ANYMORE!"
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest!
This post goes out to AC and BV. Please read caps above!