Notable and Quotable

"Nothing makes you forget about love like sex."

-Staci Beasley

Off My Chest: Cell Phone Etiquette

Who knew so much could be stored in just a few cubic inches of space? Racy text messages, X-rated pictures, forbidden numbers. Whether it’s a Razor, PDA, or I-phone if we are in a relationship you can pretty much assume that I'll be going through your mobile device. You can call me nosy, you can say I'm untrusting, but I don't care. If we are in a committed relationship then there should be absolutely nothing on your cell phone that I can't see. What's with all the codes and passwords? Do you have something to hide? I'll give you the common courtesy not to hack into your voicemail and check those messages (unless you give me reason to), and I won't have a set time everyday during which I go thru your phone. But I will sporadically yank it from you or peruse while you are out of the room. I'm giving full disclosure now so that it won't come as a surprise later. Su telefono es mi telefono. Oh, and there are no double standards here…you can feel free to do the same to my blackberry, sidekick, and Katana. Here are some ground rules:

1) Your ringer will be on loud during the nighttime hours. No vibrate and no silent.
2) You will answer calls in front of me.
3) You will not take your phone with you in the bathroom and/or shower.
4) You will hand over the device whenever I so request.
5) You will remove all passcodes from the phone.

Great, now that we have that out of the way, we can move on with the relationship. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest!

ATL Celebrilove: Break Up 2 Make Up--Kim Porter Style

Media outlets are reporting (as I predicted) that Diddy and Kim are on again. They have been spotted together recently at his Labor Day All White Party in the Hamptons and at NY Fashion Week events. Maybe she was just dropping off the twins or picking up the child support check, but I doubt it. She is a professional baby mama and if its one thing a professional baby mama knows, its when to come back home after a fight. That chick ain't going nowhere till Diddy is done with her.

For more of Kim's nonsense you can check out the October Essence in which she explains that they still have an amicable relationship and talk everyday.

Love Don't Live Here Anymore: Bynum Update Pt. 4

A family friend says Juanita Bynum has filed for divorce from alleged wife beater Bishop Weeks--although, no court documents were available to prove that.

http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2007/09/06/bynum_0907.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

Notable and Quotable

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."
Plato

Notable and Quotable

"Love is like an hourglass... With the heart filling up As the brain empties."
--Jules Renard

ATL Celebrilove: Usher's Wedding Pics

Usher and Tameka had a "real" wedding this weekend....just in case you care (i don't) The pics are over at mediatakeout.com.

Speaking of Usher.
I caught an '05 interview he did with Cathy Hughes that was rerun on TVOne. She asked him about love and women and he explained that his mom is a great judge of character and she notices when its real and when its right. She gives an honest opinion. (THEN HE SHOULDVE TAKEN HER ADVICE ON TAMEKA). He hopes he will have a better judge of character and a power of discernment as he gets older. He said he eventually wants a family. Marriage is not in his vocabulary. Maybe 30, 35. (TRY 28). It'll happen when its meant to happen. "She'll find you." He likes a spontaneous woman who keeps it jazzy. Someone who is exotic and thoughtful. (HMM...I'M NOT THINKING TAMEKA FITS THAT DESCRIPTION).

Featured Articles: Signs He'll Cheat

Gilde Carle explains the 7 deadly sins: signs your beau may cheat. (Here are some excerpts...)

Sign #1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret from his/her family & friends. Cheaters keep you in the dark while they play in the light. Your relationship won’t work if you’re getting what I call the Shadow Treatment. The Shadow Treatment means that you are often kept waiting in the wings while your mate is out socializing.

Sign #2: Your sweetie is emotionally absent. Cheaters conceal their emotional whereabouts so they can be evasive about their physical whereabouts. Love is exhausting when you have to pry the truth out of a partner.

Sign #3: Your sweetie says he or she wants a no-strings-attached romance. If someone says, “I don’t want a commitment,” take the sucker at his or her word. Don’t fall into that “I’ll be the one to change all that!” trap.

Sign # 4: Your sweetie admits to cheating on exes—and justifies the betrayals. Cheaters rationalize their behavior to let themselves off the hook. The way they justify their actions tells much about their character. Listen to the excuses for past cheating your sweetie uses.

Sign #5: Your sweetie has never been without a mate. Cheaters won’t ride solo... ever! Leaving one romance and hopping into a new one — or having simultaneous affairs at once — doesn’t leave time for assessing whatever went wrong. They don’t bother with introspection; their focus is squarely set on pulling new people into their orbit. If you are dating a person who shares a romantic history that always involves finding a new partner before breaking up with the current partner, take heed.

Sign #6: Your sweetie tells lies about little things. Cheaters lie about everything, which leads you to question their truth from their fiction. When the need to embroider overshadows the desire to be honest, the relationship becomes a sham.

Sign # 7: Your sweetie brags about his or her sex appeal. Cheaters are insecure, and need to attract constant attention on the side. They flaunt their popularity in attempts to boost their own low self-esteem.

Remember this Gilda-Gram: “Everyone who touches you, teaches you.” Instead of getting bummed out about a cheater who stole your heart, think of what you learned, and how your experience got you to grow.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7764&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=10287

Lesson Learned: Spaghetti

Creating a great relationship is a lot like making spaghetti. Here's what you need:

A Foundation: 1 lb of meat (ground beef, turkey, or veggie meat)

Some Flavor: 1 cup chopped onions, red and green peppers

A Lil' Spice: a dash of salt and pepper

Some Fluidity: 3 cups of Ragu Robusto Tomato Sauce

The Gel: 2 cans of Tomato Paste

An Intertwining: 1 Box of Angel Hair Noodles

Simmer the foundation until its golden brown. This could take months of developing a solid friendship. Do not rush this process. An undercooked foundation will give you salmonella poisoning and burning it will leave a bad taste in your mouth. Next, add in some flavor. Take trips, go out together, keep each other laughing. A bland foundation will not leave a lasting effect on your taste buds. Even though you have flavor, don't forget to throw in a lil spice. Spice is best used in the bedroom. Leave a little to the imagination while making him come back for more. Next mix in the fluidity. Relationships are not easy and it will take a relaxed, fluid, and compromising personality to make it work. The gel is of utmost importance. This gel is what holds the dish together thru the bad times. It consists of a little love, faith, commitment and a lot of communication. While the sauce is simmering, bring the noodles to a boil. Watch how they twist and turn about each other. This intertwining is achieved by shared hobbies, joint friends, and common goals. When the noodles are al dente, smother them in the sauce you've developed. Serve aside garlic bread to keep you content and a salad to keep you growing together. White wine for her and a Heiny for him to wash it all down.

Dinner is served.

Upcoming Events: Play Date Sept. 8th

Its that time again Atlanta. Play Date is this Saturday. See pub for details.

Love Don't Live Here Anymore: Bynum Update Part 3; Newnan Man Kills Live In Girlfriend

Today is a bit of a depressing day in the 'Love Don't Live Here Anymore' Arena.

• Juanita Bynum spoke out for the first time publically since the alleged attack by her husband Bishop Weeks. She said she forgives Weeks and plans to become an advocate in the crusade against domestic violence. Interestingly, Bynum said she held no hard feelings towards her husband. She would not say anything negative about him. "Nobody could give me enough money," she said. "As long as he's my husband I won't break that covenant."
  
  Hmmm..maybe after the divorce we'll get a tell all book.
  
  Read more: http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2007/09/04/bynum_0905.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

• A Newnan man was arrested Sunday morning and charged with the beating death of his live in girlfriend. They had travelled to Florida for the holiday weekend and she was found in the bedroom of a Florida beach house and had suffered trauma to her face, chest, and ribs. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/fayette/stories/2007/09/04/newnan_0905_web.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

Moral of the story is that domestic violence is a problem in our very own community. It's not something to take lightly, because it, takes lives. If you or someone you know is a victim please contact Georgia's Domestic Violence Resource Center at http://www.womenslaw.org/GA/GA_links.htm. Seek help now...before it's too late.

ATL Celebrilove: USA and Alpharetta Editions

Since all celebs tend to hit up the A quite frequently, I thought I'd let you in on some Celebrilove (or lack thereof)--nationwide style.

• Congratulations are in order for Halle Berry and boyfriend/model Gabriel. Halle, at the age of 41, is indeed 3 months preggers.

http://uk.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUKN0444300420070905

• The buzz around Miami this morning surrounds the NBAs power couple Shaq and Shaunie O'Neil. Yesterday, he hit her with divorce papers! While he says she should retain custody of their 4 children (6 if you include the one's they had before from prior relationships), he is demanding an accurate accounting of the property she now owns. Looks like Shaunie's been keepin' a stash for a rainy day. I don't blame her. Some blogs are reporting that Shaq is accusing her of cheating. Weeeellll, Shaq hasn't been all that faithful his damn self.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20595448/

• Right around our neck of the woods in Alpharetta, it looks like Usher is making room for his new bride and expected baby. He has put his Country Club home up for sale for 1.9 million dollars. For that price you better get a studio, hair salon, workout room and pool. Oh wait, you do. The house was formally L.A. Reid's and the real estate agent expects the buyer to be another industry type. Don't think that you can just make an appointment to check out Usher's crib---only pre qualified buyers will be shown the property.

http://www.accessatlanta.com/music/content/music/stories/2007/09/04/usher_0905.html

Notable and Quotable

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control!"

-Unknown

Spotlight on YBMs: Young, Black and Married...Introducing, The Mitchells.

In this week's edition of Spotlight we turn our attention to a special segment of our population, the YBMs: Young, Black and Married. It's a beautiful thing, and the Mitchells are a beautiful couple. The Mrs. is a Spelmanite, law school graduate and published author. The Mr. is a web designer and IT consultant. They married on August 25, 2007 in their new home of Chicago. I caught up with them immediately after their return from honeymooning in Maui. Below are 9 questions with the newlyweds:

When and how did you meet?

We met initially in high school, then again on facebook 9 years later.

Kimberly, at what point did you know that Fredric was the one?

I knew he was the one after I went to see him again for the first time in Baltimore. After our first date, meal, interactions, etc, I just knew that I loved him. I didn't want to leave him.

What's the best advice you would give to single ladies out there, Kimberly?

Don't be bitter, be patient. Live your life and love will come.

Now Fredric, what's the best advice you would give to single men that may be reading?

Do everything you want to do as a single man, and set dealbreakers to find your potential partner (make a checklist). Prioritize, get them done, and have no regrets. Be strong enough to be honest with your potential partner, but sensitive enough to understand that what you 'want' isn't always what you 'need'. God is mysterious.

Around here we say love's a peach, what is it to you?

Love is a roller coaster ride that you never want to get off of.

Aside from a wonderful relationship, what else do you two have going on in your lives?

Well, we are editors of " Young Black Professional Guide <http://ybpguide.com> ", a blog that we started last October to give advice, opinions, and support to Young Black Professionals. The posts and discussions that we've had cover a broad range: politics, race issues, tech news, education, finances, and more. About 4 contributors write on the guide each week. Kimberly is working at the Mitchell Law Firm with her father-in-law and is also in the process of forming a 501c3 foundation. Fredric works in the IT Department at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago and has recently established his own web design company, Bright Plum <http://brightplum.com> , which Kimberly helps manage. On the personal side, we are just trying to wind down from all of our wedding chaos, focus on our goals, and (literally) get our house together. We have many more DIY home projects to go!

Kimberly, describe Fredric in one word.

Mature.

Fredric, what does Kimberly mean to your life?

Kimberly is my best friend. She makes me smile, I love looking at her, and she challenges my mind. Her presence is easy and her eyes are sincere.

Whats next for the two of you?

What's next? More traveling, more fun, and (eventually) more family!

There you have it ladies and gentleman! Let the Mitchells be a motivation--both personally and professionally to us all...

If you'd like to contact the couple please email ncdecapres9900@hotmail.com

Lesson Learned: Fantasy Football Will Never Be Real

Saturday my Fantasy Football league held its draft. It got me thinking. Dictionary.com defines "Fantasy" as one's imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained; wondrous or strange fancies; unreal mental images; hallucinations; and a conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need. Wouldn’t it be amazing if in love and relationships we could create The Fantasy Man?!? For those who may not be familiar with Fantasy Football, in short, you select the best NFL players and create your own team. For instance, you may have Peyton Manning as your quarter back. LaDanian Tomlinson as your running back. And in my case, Chad Johnson as your Wide Receiver. Although these guys are not on the same team in real life (and in fact never could be since no team could afford to pay them all top dollar), they are all a part of your Fantasy team.

Imagine scooping up the best guys that the world has to offer to create Mr. Fantasy Man. My starting line up would look something like this:

Reggie Bush at body. Terrance Howard at eyes. LL Cool J at lips. Bill Gates at bank. He'd have the voice of Luther Vandross, the determination of MLK, and the soul of Ghandi. His speech would sound like Barack, his thug would be like Tupacs, and his smile would be like Brad Pitt's. He'd be tall like LaBron, have a flow like Common, and a swag like Jay Z. He'd have the fashion sense of Versace, taste in shoes like Manolo, and could pick out a ring like Kobe. His cars would rival Diddy's, his home would look like Steven Spielberg's and he'd be a mogul like Russel.

I could go on and on. But what's the point? Mr. Man (Fantasy Man that is) will never exist. He'd be entirely too perfect for words. Besides, with a man like that there'd be no need for daydreams, celebrity crushes, relationship venting, and blogs like this. We'd be too busy jet setting and being in love. But, who needs Mr. Man when we have men who leave the toilet seat up, do not understand what it means to communicate, fart in public places, and need to go to the gym just as much as we do?

Life would be so mundane without them . . . well, since like fantasy football, my fantasy man will never be real....that's what I'll tell myself to cope :/

Lesson Learned: I love you, I do.

Yo te quiero. Ti amo. Wo ie ni. Je t'aime. Kimi o ai shiteru. How to say it is easy. When to say it is the hard part.

Being the first to say "I love you" seems to put your signif other in the hot seat. Is he only saying it back because he feels pressured and sorry for you? Saying it in response to his saying it for the first time will make him wonder if you only said it because he did. Saying it for the first time in the middle of a fight, seems to imply begging. Saying it for the first time after sex, seems to imply clinginess.

Is saying it on your 3 month anniversary proper protocol? Do you say it for the first time in a Hallmark e-card? How about over the phone.

In all this murkiness, a few things are clear:

1) Never say it on a first date.
2) The first time you feel like you want to say it, don't. Make sure you've thought long and hard.
3) Those words should be words of pure expression, they should have no ulterior motive attached. If you are saying it to get him to stay, to cuddle, or to buy you a Berkin bag, don't.

My advice is to wait to say those words until they bubble up in your heart and spew out of your mouth uncontrollably. If your beau says it back, great. If he doesn't. Don't take it personal. In fact, appreciate his honesty. Often times he really does love you, he just may be scared to say it. (Watch his actions, not just his words) If you are "put on the spot" with an an unexpected I love you, then you owe it to your mate to be honest. If you feel it too, then say it. If your not so sure then explain it.

Love is expressed in many ways. Its in the way he gets your oil changed and washes your car, the way she cooks your dinner, the way he holds you. Remember, just because he isn't saying I love you the way you want him to, doesn't mean he's not saying it with all he has.

Featured Articles: TD Jakes Speaks Out

TD Jakes speaks out on the Bishop Weeks/Juanita Bynum assault.
He reminds us that "every day, four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence. . . that's approximately 1,400 women a year, according to the FBI."

Read more at http://www.ajc.com/news/content/opinion/stories/2007/09/03/jakesed_0904.html

Notable and Quotable

"True love is like a ghost; everyone talks of it, few have seen it."
--La Rochefoucauld