Lesson Learned: Why Did I Get Married?

If you haven't seen Why Did I Get Married? Stop reading and go see it. If you have seen it, read on...

This movie easily sparks discussion about some of the problems we face in our African American marriages, how we try to fix them, and how we really should be fixing them. Any one who has seen the movie knows that the best scene is the "put it all out on the table" dinner scene. I laughed, I cried, I laughed, I got mad, and I cried some more.

What we can learn from these couples: (w/o giving too much of the story lines away in case those who havent seen it didnt heed my warning above)

Tyler Perry and His Workaholic Lawyer Wife: Its so easy for black women to fall into this trap. We strive so hard to overcome boundaries and to shatter glass ceilings that we devote all of ourselves to our careers. This woman actually had a "good" man, but she couldn't see that because she was blinded by making partner and meeting her billable hour requirements. What she failed to realize was that her daughter and her husband needed her far more than that law firm. If she died tomorrow, her office would stay empty for a few weeks , but the firm would move on w/o much heartbreak. Her husband and daughter however, would have an empty place in their hearts and their homes forever. Lesson learned: Keep your career in balance. Never let it outweigh family and friends. The greatest blessing we have our these relationships. Dont sacrifice yours for corporate America---I promise, Corporate America will make no sacrifices for you.

Janet Jackson and Malik Yoba: As a counselor herself, Janet and her movie hubby seemed to have things pretty much together. They knew how to communicate, and thats key. Where they fell short was being honest and forgiving. They shared their deepest hurts w/ friends rather than each other and smiled at and ignored pain to keep from feeling it. Lesson learned: Pain thats kept in will eat you alive. Own up to your mistakes and make a plan to move past them. When hurt by a partner, discuss it. Not speaking about the elephant in the room is not fair to you, your spouse, or the elephant.

The Drunk and her STD infected hubby: This couple looks like lots of couples in Atlanta. The wife makes more money than the husband so she feels that she wears the pants. The husband tries to get ahead but feels that he is being knocked down by his own wife. They lie to each other, disrespect each other, and cheat on each other....a recipe for divorce and disease. Lesson Learned: Women, no matter how many bills you pay in your household, if you want your man to stand up and be a man, you have to treat him like one. if you cant handle making more than him then dont be with him--but degrading and putting him down will only keep you both behind. Men--have a plan. Just because she makes more than you now, doesnt mean it always has to be that way. Exercise your manliness in other ways, for instance, leading family prayer, or starting a business. Dont let infidelity be your way of lashing out at your partner. Communicate, dont fornicate. And lastly, KEEP YO BABY MAMAS IN CHECK.

Jill Scott and Her AssHole Husband: This story continued to bring me to tears throughout the film. Jill played a role of inferiority and dependence. She depended on her husband for everything from money to her own self worth and happiness. Its easy to let a man's view of you shape how you see yourself. Lesson learned: if you dont love you, no one else will. if youre not happy w/ the way you look, then change what you can and accept what you cannot. if your man is not happy w/ the way you look...drop him.